Best Tanlines at the Beach!

And while I'm on the topic of fashion and religion, I hope you all have a moment to peruse this site for all your summertime swimwear needs.  Hey girlfriend! 

Biology Lesson

Ok, so I'm obsessed with the YFZ (Yearning for Zion) cult/sect of Mormonism.  To be exact, they're Fundamental Latter Day Saints, which are the same off-shoot of the regular mormons about whom Under the Banner of Heaven was written.  If you remember the whole thing about a year ago when Warren Jeffs was arrested after being one of the most wanted peeps in amerrrrca.   He was the head of the FLDS and was in trouble for arranging forced marriages, particularly btwn young teenage girls and gross old men.  Oh and he's also some sort of prophet.  

Have you all read Under the Banner of Heaven?  If not, its sooooo good.  And you'll never really think about morm again the same.  It focuses on the FLDS and how f-ed up it is.  And to regular Mormon's credit, they by no means acknowledge FLDS or plural marriage.  I mean, that's what they say. 

But what is fascinating is the whole way this plural marriage thing came about.  Obviously this is paraphrasing years and years of thier religion, but basically any prophet in Mormtown is such b/c god talks directly to him.  Back in the d, one of the prophets was married to his wife for years but suddenly took a liking to another lady.  Of course, divorce/extra-marital affairs are not allowed, so isn't it funny that right about this time the lord god came down and told this dude "I want men to have multiple wives".   And so, since it was the "word of the lord" men HAD to take multiple wives.  Oh and this was in regular mainstream mormon religion.  The mormons banned it eventually saying it was wrong (but really they were forced to by the US govt b/c they wouldn't get tax breaks).  And that's when FLDS broke off.  

Anywhoooooooo  this is a long long tangent leading up to this creepy shit:

Ok, so let's count 'em.... 1 dad/husband, 6 wives/moms, 20? kids

So obviously there is a shitload wrong with everything in this picture, including multiple wives, a billion kids, and a creepy molester-looking dad who is at least 25 years older than any of his wives.  Lets just put that aside for 1 second and break it down to the fundamentals.....In the YFZ Ranch there are supposedly about 500 peeps.   If the dad to mom ratio is 1 to 6, and the dad to kid ratio is 1 to 20, and they never leave the confines of their "commune" ranch....do you see what I'm gettin at here?  INBREEDING!!!!  Don't tell me this shit is norm: 

Please note bluey on the far right, unibrow in the middle and glasses on the far left.  That has hill-people written all over it.  

Anyway, its no wonder they love living in a cult in the middle of texas and do their hairs in that beautiful fashion. Them dna's all squirrely.  

Here's some more pics below.  Sorry, but I'm just fascinated and becoming obsessed.  And I'm excited b/c I'm about to watch OPRAH's special on the YFZ from earlier today.  Go Oprah Go Oprah!! Go Go Go Oprah!!

Infuration Nation Week of March 30

Good morning.  It's that time again.  Good work on the votes last week.  Spencer Pee pee took it away, as well he should have.  Can we form a lynch mob and head for the Hills please?

Ok here we go (votes on sidebar):

Katherine Heigl

''I don't know if I want to continue for five years working 12 months a year, but I can take at least another year or two" (regarding her relentless efforts to bail on her Grey's Anatomy contract pursue her soon-to-be short-lived film career)

Scarlett Johannsen

"I am engaged ... to Barack Obama. My heart belongs to Barack, and that is who I am currently, finally, engaged to. Yes."

Kirsten Dunst

"Everybody smokes! Models, actresses, everyone! Don't they realize that it's gross? I understand it's an addiction, but it still pains me to see my friends do it".

"I wanted to get an angel wings tatooed on my back, as a guardian thing". 

IBW of the Day

SUZAN HUGHES

"Your spirit carries you through life but your body carries you through the day"

I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with Suzan Hughes, but you are about to learn about this dynamic, world-changing businesswoman who has literally inspired millions with her passion.  Oh, and you may remember when Chad Rogers rented a beach house in the 'bu to her and her surfer son.  

Thanks to IMDB for the following write-up.  I kept it intact rather than spoiling the indepth biographical research.  

Suzan Hughes' passion for fitness began developing as she created her own workouts at the early age of 12, using Jack LaLanne as her mentor. Suzan's interest in the human body came from her early realization that you only have one body and only you can take care of it. At 13 she was fascinated by Yogi and their practices and read all of the books she could digest on vitamins and minerals. While Suzan was a certified court reporter specializing in medical malpractice and heading up her own agency, she continued to explore her passion of anatomy and physiology.

It was when Mark Hughes, the founder of Herbalife, introduced himself to Suzan that a symbiotic relationship began that catapulted Herbalife into a billion-dollar a year business. Mark and Suzan Hughes were leading the world's preeminent authority on herbal nutrition. Suzan's life long study of health and wellness was the perfect match to Mark's passion for building Herbalife. Together, they formed a perfect union that spawned Herablife's meteoric rise.

Suzan is a certified fitness expert, by the National Association of Sports Medicine. Her fitness video "Take Ten to a Better You" has received rave reviews. A portion of the sales from her video have been designated for child advocacy programs. Suzan's goal is to assure that one's body is fit inside and out, as well as spiritually balanced. Suzan is also a second degree brown belt in Karate and is an actress and comedienne.

ShamWOW!

Vince the guy from ShamWOW ("you follow me camera guy?") was arrested in Miami last month for beating up a hooker.  --  Smoking Gun

Drunk Dialing

Ms. Evon Cavett

"Easy. Breezy. Beautiful: Cover Girl"

From Tampa Florida news:

Tampa police say Evon Cavett was the woman who misused the 911 system Wednesday, calling three times to tell dispatchers that her roommate was trying to take beer away from her.

Here's a partial transcript of the 911 calls, released today by the Tampa Police Department.

Dispatcher: "What's the problem right now?"

Cavett: "Domestic violence."

Dispatcher: "What's going on?"

Cavett: "OK, there's an argument going out of control."

Dispatcher: "What are you arguing about?"

Cavett: "Beer. I'm totally embarrassed to even say that. But yeah, it's about beer."

A few minutes later, Cavett then tells the dispatcher that her roommate is trying to take a beer away and asks if police can be sent to her apartment at 712 E. Floribraska Ave.

Officers went to the apartment about 2:35 a.m. Wednesday and found Cavett drinking from a 40-ounce bottle of Bud Light and an unidentified man sitting with her. Cavett told police she had drunk six 16-ounce cans of beer but wasn't finished drinking.

She told officers she didn't call 911, although her home phone number matched the caller ID from the 911 center, police said. She then said she had called about "some kids selling drugs" outside, police said.

The man with her pointed at her, mimed a drinking motion and then mimed holding a phone receiver. The officers told her that the 911 system is for emergencies only and left.

Ten minutes later, Cavett called 911 again. Here's a partial transcriptfrom the second call:

"Two cops just came to my apartment for no reason," Cavett said. "Nobody called them out here."

Cavett then asked for the dispatcher's name.

"I'm Operator 37," the dispatcher said.

"Operator 37? That's not a name. That's number. Honestly, I'm not trying to be funny."

Dispatcher: "Why do you want the police now?"

Cavett: "I don't call y'all for no reason."

Dispatcher: "Well, you just called 10 minutes ago about your roommate taking your beer."

Cavett: "Honestly, I don't remember that."

Cavett then starts crying.

"I can't understand you," the dispatcher said over the sobs.

A few seconds later Cavett replies, "It hurts my feelings." Cavett then gets agitated and tells the dispatcher, "Look, if you're going to lock me up, come here and lock me up! You heard that?"

Dispatcher: "Yes. I did."

Cavett hangs up but calls 911 a final time. The third call is the shortest.

"Come arrest me!" Cavett shouts.

A different dispatcher says, "All right, I'll let them know."

Cavett: "Thank you. Bye."

Cavett, 43, was arrested and charged with three misdemeanors: misuse of the 911 system, obstructing an officer without violence and disorderly conduct. She was released from Orient Road Jail at 4:30 p.m. today after posting $1,250 bail.

Night Night

They way she goes down in almost slow-motion while still talking is so CREEPY and awkward.  Like how is she still talking?  And I love that the news caster in his jams is trying to revive her. And the dude on the left just stands there hands in pockets!  The whole thing is just so uncomfortable.

Wait, the Dollar is Actually Worth Something Somewhere?

This list  of what $150,000 can buy you around the world might make you cry.  Particularly if you live in NY or DC or SF....or anywhere for that matter b/c $150k buys close to nothing here.  I wish some of the pictures were better but everything shown looks pretty decent.  And I did my Google Earthing and those locations listed are all either in a big city (Moscow, Prague, B.A.) or coastal beach towns (in Croatia, Bali, Chile, NZ).  The only ones that were kinda bunk are the ones in Portugal and Australia - which locations are inland and seem to be kind of isolated. Which means you'll probably wound up eaten by a dingo or La Chupacabra. 

Email me directly if you're ready to sell everything and move to a far away land (oh, and you're going to have to provide about $150,000 so I hope that's cool, thanks!)

IBW of the Day

STAR JONES, ESQ

Lawyer, tv personality, mouth-breather, bridezilla, gastric bypass deny-er, gay man marry-er (hey girlfrieennnnd!), and inspirational leader for all strong independent important business women.  "I'm a lawyer!"

I just found out that Star celebrated her 47th birthday this week by starting a blog.  It's sort of like a birthday present to us all.  Her inspirational quotes and other musings are going to be a sort of bible for us all to reference and live by.  Thank you Star Jones, Esq.  

(p.s. Star is so cheap, she didn't even dole out the $10/year to buy an actual domain name)

(p.p.s. Please note her posting name...)

Wiener!!

By now, you've probably seen this on the news, but its too amusing not to acknowledge.  A year ago, Rory McInnes from the UK, who is now 18 was watching a documentary on GoogleEarth, which gave him the best idea ever to go up to the roof of his parents million dollar home and paint a big wiener on it.  The parents had no idea for a full year until recently a helicopter was flying over and took photos and sent them to the newspaper, which contacted the parents.  

The kid, at this point, was traveling in Brazil for a year and was told he would be scrubbing it off when he gets home.  

Infuriation Nation 3/24

Well, last round didn't go so well.  Only 5 people voted and we wound up with a tie btwn Love and Hayden.  But I'm going to just power through and hope more people vote this week.  

I'm going to sub-title the theme this week as "Which celeb do you fantasize most about beating senseless and then forcing them to admit to the world how much of a douche they are?"

Votes on the sidebar

PARIS HILTON

"There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde -- like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana -- and right now, I'm that icon." 

SPENCER PRATT

 "Well, I'm trying to be a billionaire before 30…I definitely want to go into politics later in my life. I plan to be governor, at least, and president if possible." 

AVRIL LAVIGNE

" I created Punk for this day and age. Do you see Britney walking around wearing ties and singing punk? Hell no. That's what I do. I'm like a Sid Vicious for a new generation. "

Twitter

It is true I have trouble grasping exactly what Twitter is and how peeps can read your messages even if they don't know you.  You might then say I'm too stupid to use Twitter.  Maybe so, but at least I'm not stupid enough to lose my job because I was trying to be hilarrrrious to my twitter friends and failing miserably:  

Cisco

A job applicant twittered the following to her group:

“Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work”.

This tweet caught the attention of Tim Levad, a channel partner advocate for Cisco. To which he responded:  “Who is the hiring manager. I’m sure they would love to know that you will hate the work. We here at Cisco are versed in the web”.

Whoopsie.  However, I feel like its nothing compared to this:

Ketchum

This is about a guy named James Andrews who is a VP for communications agency Ketchum who decided to twitter about his impression of Memphis upon his arrival to make a presentation to the Fed Ex worldwide communications group (a group of more than 150 peeps).  The twitter post read 

True confession but I’m in one of those towns where I scratch my head and say “I would die if I had to live here!” 

So, a Fed Ex employee received the twitter (is that a tweet?) and replied to James Andrews and cc'd the FedEx Coporate Vice President, Vice President, directors and all management of FedEx’s communication department plus the chain of command at Ketchum.  

Mr. Andrews,

If I interpret your post correctly, these are your comments about Memphis a few hours after arriving in the global headquarters city of one of your key and lucrative clients, and the home of arguably one of the most important entrepreneurs in the history of business, FedEx founder Fred Smith.            

Many of my peers and I feel this is inappropriate. We do not know the total millions of dollars FedEx Corporation pays Ketchum annually for the valuable and important work your company does for us around the globe. We are confident however, it is enough to expect a greater level of respect and awareness from someone in your position as a vice president at a major global player in your industry. A hazard of social networking is people will read what you write.

Not knowing exactly what prompted your comments, I will admit the area around our airport is a bit of an eyesore, not without crime, prostitution, commercial decay, and a few potholes. But there is a major political, community, religious, and business effort underway, that includes FedEx, to transform that area. We’re hopeful that over time, our city will have a better “face” to present to visitors.

James, everyone participating in today’s event, including those in the auditorium with you this morning, just received their first paycheck of 2009 containing a 5% pay cut… which we wholeheartedly support because it continued the tradition established by Mr. Smith of doing whatever it takes to protect jobs.

Considering that we just entered the second year of a U.S. recession, and we are experiencing significant business loss due to the global economic downturn, many of my peers and I question the expense of paying Ketchum to produce the video open for today’s event; work that could have been achieved by internal, award-winning professionals with decades of experience in television production.

Additionally Mr. Andrews, with all due respect, to continue the context of your post; true confession: many of my peers and I don’t see much relevance between your presentation this morning and the work we do in Employee Communications.

YIKES!!

More MailBag

I accidently forgot to include this MailBag entry in my earlier post....

"The story about the "Miracle on the Hudson" was terrific, and I'm going to frame the beautiful cover photo of Capt. Chelsy Sullenberger III with the youngest survivor of the crash.  Shortly after the incident,  President Obama said, 'If everyone did their job as well as that pilot did his, we'd be in pretty good shape.' I couldn't agree more." -- Pamela Young, Guelph, Ont.

Office freakout

Sorry I keep doing videos b/c I know it's difficult to watch them in a closed environment.  However they are all too good to pass up.  This is of the classic office freak-out.  Not sure where it was, but I think Russia or Germany.  Its hilar.

...more

Sorry for all the JMc love lately but I just felt compelled to post the video of his first hit "Beautiful Soul".  The video is kinda retardo but it's centered around a Woodie which I feel is so pertinent to lots of peeps right now.  

Sorry the assholes from youtube won't let me embed so you have to click the link 

p.s. the milk-drinking thing at the gas station is grody to the maxx.

MailBag

I'd like to talk about a special little corner of this world where all the crazies convene.  Not ax murderer crazy, but the kind of crazy I love. It's the Reborn-toting, cat wig buying, squirrel-dressing loonies.  (Please definitely click on the first link - sound on..........CREEPY TOWN CENTRAL, USA)

This place, my friends, is People Magazine MailBag.  Do yourself a favor next time you're in the doctor's office and flip straight to the MailBag and enjoy.   It never fails to entertain, baffle, and lead you to question how people let their lives go this far.  

I have included examples from a recent People mag.  The letters to the editor (MailBag) were regarding the cover story of a previous issue on Captain Chelsy "Sully" Sullenberger who landed the plane in the Hudson.  

"Your story about the "Miracle on the Hudson" was certainly one of your all-time best.  The heroic actions of everyone involved touched the lives of people everywhere.  I think perhaps a little part of us all landed in the river that day."  -- Nanci Rice, Boca Raton, Fla. 

"I am so happy you put Capt. Chelsy "Sully" Sullenberger III on your cover.  As a longtime subscriber I found it very refreshing to read such a moving and positive story.  The tremendous skill of this incredible pilot made him a hero on  Jan. 15, but his grace and humility after being thrust into the media spotlight are what make him a true class act"  -- Susan Keyser, Tampa, Fla.

"What an uplifting story!  To see Capt. Sullenberger holding that beautiful child brought tears to my eyes" -- Elaine A. Hall via email (but I'm willing to bet she's from Florida)

"Forget about your "Sexiest Man Alive" issue.  Your cover photo of Capt. Sullenberger and little Damian Sosa was the first time I've had the urge to hug your magazine.  And hug it tight I did"  --Tracy Eklof, via email.  

I hope to include more MailBag examples in future posts.  

Hooked

Jesse McCartney's new song lives in my head now-a-days.  I am not embarrassed to admit it.  JMc is so mystifying.  He's a teenybopper whitey who manages to have street cred.  And he wrote Bleeding Love which still shocks me every time I remember that.  I miss Summerland. 

Stars - they're just like us!

They shop at Trader Joe's!  If you don't know who this celeb is, I almost don't feel like telling you.  For any of you who have been living in a cave, its Cathy from Sylvia Intervention!!  And yes, you are seeing things right, she's still wearing spandex!

Here is Cathy and her son at her local Trader Joe's sampling the chili and checking out.  Hey Cathy....WHERE IS SYLVIA???

IBW of the Day

Clair Huxtable!

Clair Hanks Huxtable is mom to Sondra, Denise, Theo, Vanessa and Rudy Huxtable and wife to Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.  She's a full-time mom and full-time lawyer.  She's the ultimate IBW with the get-up-and-go of someone half her age.  She holds down a career as a partner at a prestigious NY law firm, serves as the voice of reason in a house of chaotic teens and children, all the while keeping Cliff from those hoagies and chips.  Clair, you really are a independent woman of the 80s who knows when to say when.  Go girl!

Undersea Volcano Erupting

Undersea volcano erupting near Tonga 

Zahara Jolie Pitt....

...is a scary bitch!  She will cut you! 

Occupation:  Strong black woman (don't you forget it!)

Favorite saying: "Girrrrl, you betta step yo white ass the f off"

Hobbies: constantly bitching; being sneaky; practicing shooting the bird

Inspirations: Lauryn Hill and Lisa Bonet

I'm scared of Zahara and the following pictures explain why.  

(Poor little Shiloh clutching on her blanket while Zahara gives her the side-eye.)

"...you might got their blood, golden child, but it's first in, last out, bitch"

"Bitch, seriously.....Where the jimmies at?"

"Hell Yeah I'm the Queen"

"Yeah you over there in them french braids...I wanna shoop"

"Quit bumpin yo gums, I ain't even trying to hear you"

"Da fck you say to me? what da fck did YOU just say to ME?"

"Aww Hell to the No"

What happened?  So sweet and innocent?

Obviously

This confirms that "cat people" are all bat-shit crazy and truly believe their cats are people.  Or dolls.  The images below are from Kitty Wigs

It's terrifying and creepy and completely surprising that the cats aren't clothed.  And please note that the cat in Electric Blue and Pink Passion is named "Chicken" and clearly has been listening to Miss Tyra.  Smile with your eyes! More like removing my soul with its eyes.    

Don't forget to check out the about us section.  OF COURSE those people started a cat wig company.  Of course they did.  

Don't You Know Who I Am??

Assistant district attorney arrested on theft, intoxication charges

A Clarke County assistant district attorney resigned today, hours after his arrest downtown where he refused to pay for a hot dog during a drunken tussle with a street vendor.

William Michael Olson, 36, was arrested on misdemeanor charges of public intoxication and theft of services, Athens-Clarke police said.

A police officer responded to a 1:25 a.m. report of a fight at the corner of East Broad Street and College Avenue, police said.

A vendor told the officer that Olson ate a hot dog and walked away without paying, but before he left the prosecutor put his hands on the vendor’s chest two times, according to police.

When the officer caught up with Olson, the prosecutor said he didn’t know anything about a hot dog, though he had ketchup and mustard on his shirt, police said.

The officer noted Olson’s speech was slurred and his eyes bloodshot.

The officer told Olson he would arrest him if he didn’t pay for the hot dog, at which time the prosecutor pulled out his wallet and flashed his assistant district attorney badge and cautioned the officer, police said.

He “told me I needed to be careful” and asked if “I was sure that I wanted to do this,” the officer wrote in a report.

When a police supervisor arrived, Olson admitted to the officers that he’d been drinking, but couldn’t recall details of what just happened, police said.

IBW of the Day

Debbie Meyer

"A homemaker, mother and wife – and  inventor, entrepreneur and TV personality, Debbie Meyer has become a genuine personal and business success story." 

Spoiled Produce? Not again!!!  You'll no longer lose HUNDRED$ of dollars in wasted, rotted fruits and vegetables.  Air is not the enemy!   Thanks Debbie!

Kara/Megan Joy

I think Megan Joy Corkrey and Kara Keough from RHOC are the same person.  Kara's in top 2 pics while AI's Megan Joy is in bottom pic.  While I definitely think they look alike, their mannerisms are very similar.  I tried to find a video and the best I could come up with is Megan's ear piercing audition.  I wanted to find a more recent clip of Megan Joy during AI, particularly when she gets her feedback from the judges.  She's just like Kara and definitley thinks she's hot shit.  I think she's from Utah.  

Ridiculous Tattoos

This isn't even the tip of the iceberg for what's out there.  

I've included some classics in there like Britney and Maddox.  And I particularly like the one towards the end with all the Mormon prophets of the lord (plus Jesus!).  

Oh and "Lonely" is ridiculous for completely different reasons and it may be my favorite.  So melodramatic.  After he got the tat, he definitely met up with all his friends, did not to bring it up, but made sure everyone could see it..and then made sure he not-so-inconspicuously disappeared for a bit to go have a good fake cry.  Oh and he's definitely listening to "everybody hurts" during this photo shoot.  I know he fantasizes about "ending it all" just to see who shows up for his funeral, but he definitely doesn't have the ballz.  I wonder if he's related to Duster with all this melodrama? 

I want to meet "Lonely" so badly!!